Tag Archives: children

Pillow Presents

This is a photo of a pillow in my home office comfy chair. The Curious George pillow, lumpy and bumpy as it may be, is special to me. It was made (by my daughter) from a shirt that my youngest son had worn a lot. I didn’t want to get rid of it when he finally outgrew it. We felt like it was very fitting for him as he seemed so much like the famous little lmonkey character!

On this Mother’s Day Sunday I wanted to share an idea with those of you who have younger children (or even some older kids). They may require “help” in getting a present ready for next Mother’s Day (birthday or Christmas).

You can plan ahead over the course of the next few months or so and notice when your child outgrows a special shirt! You might suggest to him/her that you would like it and ask if they mind if you make it into a pillow and see their reaction.

Your child might be old enough and motivated to get in on the pillow project or even make it themself. If not, you could make it and let them give you the finished product.

For the how-tos just do a Google or Pinterest search for instructions.

Basically just trim the body into a square/rectangle shape (circles are trickier and would definitely require a pillow form) leaving enough fabric to form the sides and seams. Sew your seams inside out leaving enough open space to stuff with pillow stuffing or insert a pillow form to fit. Then turn right side out, stuff and stitch closed. And there you have it! Your keepsake pillow gift.

What do you think? Is this the type of keepsake that appeals to you? Do you think it might be meaningful to your child/children?

I do not tend to be very sentimental about things. There are just a handful. That’s probably a good thing with certain rabble rousing children. The idea of cherishing items from my children’s growing up years may not mean much to them right now. But hopefully in time it will be additional evidence that I love and cherish them.

Mother’s Day can be hard. It was hard today. But I was not surprised. I maintained my calm. Mostly. Lowering the pressure on ourselves and on the rest of the family to make Mother’s Day or any other holiday a picture perfect event can help.

My youngest daughter (whom I have had some extreme relational struggles with) had volunteered to make peach ice cream for Mother’s Day. I strategically waited until yesterday evening to take her to get the ingredients when it would be just me and her and not a regular grocery shopping trip. But the local grocery stores did not have fresh peaches yet and the produce stands were closed for the day. Yikes! But calm prevailed. I got up early and drove about 30 minutes away to “Peach Park” where I knew they would have fresh peaches. It was very much worth it in more ways than one! (Yum!)

Your child might be old enough and motivated to get in on the pillow project or even make it themself. If not, you could make it and let them give you the finished product. Helping them to participate in a way that says “we’re family” can dislodge another brick in the walls of resistance to relationship that may have been built as a result of trauma. There were some small (but huge!) Connections made today that could have been easily overshadowed if we had tried to pull off a larger event (that would likely have been an epic fail).

How about you? Do you have any helpful strategies for lowering the stress levels for holidays and events? Post them in the comments.

Mom, this is for you.

 

I want to express a few thoughts and see if they resonate with any of you.

You may know that within our family we have special needs, attachment disorder (and reactive attachment disorder which is the upper end of that spectrum) mental health issues in addition to that; language delays, social delays; just all these special needs type things going on, and Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD) and OCD , ADHD — and more alphabet soup!

What’s a mom to do!? I’ve learned that if you are all wrapped up in the family, the children, their special needs, and the relationships that attachment disorder has really put a negative spin on (with multiple kids and family members!) then it can really put you in a rotten space. If you have your own identity all wrapped up in the nature of being a parent of the alphabet soup, special needs, chronic illness and all that goes along with attachment issues that is.

The children are growing up and trying to forge their own identities. Some have additional issues with identity — identity crises — because of their past.

Now think about the parents. Moms in particular (and dads, I am not trying to exclude you but you know, I can relate most to moms).

What about your identity?

Your identity cannot continue to be wrapped up in the relationships and in the roles that you have — the roles that are changing — the roles that are up one day and down the next — the roller coaster ride that is this life, without some real damage, without losing yourself, without losing your own identity.

So, you MUST regain and/or hold onto your identity in Christ.

Your identity as God’s child.

Your identity as someone of value and intellect and purpose.

You can hold on to your true identity:

Whether or not a particular relationship goes haywire;

whether or not a particular illness continues or gets worse;

whether or not you have to deal with a mental health crisis that day;

whether or not behavioral issues pop up;

And whether or not other people judge you as someone who should handle things differently than you do, or should parent differently than you do, or is even the cause of some of the behaviors or issues with your children.

And so, who are we doing this for? Are we really just doing it for ourselves? No.

For our children? Yes! But not just for them.

If you are like me, then you agree we are really doing it for God.

And for our love of God.

And in obedience to God.

So we do it for our kids – yes, but as God gives us love and loves our children and our families through us he gives us the ability desire. And HE is the one we are really doing it all for!

He knows your heart.

He knows it all.

He knows these children.

He knows their background and he knows their needs. And furthermore, God is able to take them, continue to work on them, and maybe do it through you or maybe through other people or other ways. So it’s not all on your shoulders. Put it back on his, where it belongs.

That’s all of my rambling thoughts. I hope you ae encouraged. If you are, feel free to share and follow Yesterday’s Orphan for more.

Help! My Adopted Child is Terrified of Sleep

For the first year or so home, my youngest (adopted) child literally screamed himself to sleep.  One of my adopted daughters would often yell out in her sleep (still does occasionally after 10 years), never fully waking up and never remembering it in the morning.  Another one of our adopted children used to get to sleep okay, but get up during the night or wee hours of the morning, unable to fall back to sleep (and wander the house which also caused problems).

Adults may be able to self-talk and work through their night-time anxieties, but kids have less experience and big imaginations!  Even as adults we understand that worries, fears, concerns often loom larger at bed-time, weighing on us.  But children from traumatic backgrounds may have an even harder time with all of this.  It’s harder for them to separate what’s real and what’s not, especially at night.  And it can really affect their sleep which affects their days and the rest of the family, too.  The cycle can spiral downward if it doesn’t stop.

Lack of good, restful sleep on an ongoing basis can affect a number of things and can be detrimental to their health.  It is during sleep that our brains make a clean sweep of accumulated toxins, so among other things we can think clearer the next day.  It’s during sleep that production of several hormones rises, including growth hormone.  Ever hear that children grow in their sleep?  Lack of growth hormone can impact not only growth in height but even cellular repair.  Another hormone, lack of melatonin, the sleep hormone can cause greater sleep problems.  A strong immune system is supported by good sleep.

Sleep is should be restorative and our children need even more sleep than we as adults do in order to function optimally during the day.  I recommend making sleep a priority for your entire household.  Try not to deal with stressful issues near bedtime.  If you can table it until morning, do so.  If there is always conflict over pajamas or tooth brushing, drop the issue or do a workaround – – maybe brush teeth right after dinner so it’s over and done long before bedtime, for example.

We are super careful not to use supplements with food coloring or msg (an excitotoxin to the brain).  But using melatonin has helped so much, as well as other supplements depending on the person,  and specific essential oils that are beneficial for sleep either for calming or with a sedative effect or to help alleviate racing/troubling thoughts.  Some are effective to help with pain that may seem worse at night and be a hindrance to getting to sleep.  There are different ones for different issues.  With my large family, we have had lots of sleep issues which vary from person to person.  I know I personally cannot take anything that will up my blood pressure.  Essential oils have been a huge help to me, too as well as my kids.  Wish I had had them sooner!

I want to emphasize that there are a lot of reasons you or your child may have difficulties sleeping.

IMPORTANT:  I am not a doctor and nothing in this post is meant to diagnose, treat or cure anything.  Please see your healthcare provider for any medical issues.  I am not giving medical advice here.

And please don’t give up looking for the right solutions.  There ARE solutions and it IS important.

When you become your own sleep detective you may gain new insight as to what you can change in your daily routines for optimal sleep to take place.

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Real life is often emotional and kid’s from hard places often have overwhelming emotions. As a parent, I want to help my children learn to use positive coping skills and give them helpful tools. 

Contact me to request my free “Sleep Detective” PDF booklet to download.  It’s a fun way to help your child or teen start to focus on their need for sleep and empower them to be an active force in making positive changes.

And if you like the content on this blog you might like to check out Yesterday’s Orphan on Facebook with the link in the sidebar.

 

 

Discovered, Taught, Built or Attained?

Our identities.

Are they discovered, taught, built or attained?  Finding myself, figuring out what makes me tick, discovering who I am . . . sound familiar?  Is this really how our identity is forged?  Or is our identity something we learn from our parents and others who teach us “where we come from”?  Are you a “self-made man” (or woman)?  Is your identity something you build for yourself?  And once you have found, learned of or built your identity is that it?  Or is it something that is fluid and changes over time. And is there something of your identity “out there” to attain?

Most people tend to have questions about their identity at some point in their life (or many points).  Those who have been orphans may question their identities even more.  As parents and caregivers what can we do to help them?  As to the questions above, I think all of the above would be my answer.  And each can form a part of the identity quest.

Let’s take them one at a time.

Discover

Kids can discover a lot about themselves and begin to have a sense of their own identity as separate from others as a baby when they acquire the ability to comprehend and understand object permanence.  Ever play peek-a-boo with a baby?  They are learning that even when they don’t see your face, you still exist and will return.  As kids continue to learn and grow and develop their own sense of self – – what they like and don’t like, how they are different from others around them and have different needs and desires at times they are discovering some of their identity.  We can help them clue in to their favorites and their special talents and strengths.

Teach

As we teach them about their heritage, culture and family values we are teaching identity as well.  We can help our kids to connect with these aspects of their identity.  We can help them to understand that while there are good points as well and negatives in their backgrounds, that there are many parts of the fabric of their identity that are woven together in a unique way.  We can help them to learn about positive aspects and how even negatives can provide opportunities to rise above.

Build

It is important to help our children to understand that their identities are not soley made up of things that are out of their control.  They can build into their identities as well.  Choices they make, big and small, build into their character and lead them into who they are becoming.

Attain

1 John 3:1-2
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears,we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.

Helping our children to understand and embrace how God views them and their identity as children of God (and how to enter into his forever family) is the best way to help them in the identity quest.  Identifying themself as a child of God, just as they may embrace their identity in their new adopted family, is both a present identity and a future attainment.  It is ours now, and will be fully ours in the future.

What are your thoughts on the quest for identity and how we can help our children.  I welcome your comments.

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Kids from hard places can have overwhelming emotions.  As a parent, I want to help my children learn to use positive coping skills and give them helpful tools.

I’ve gotten some great result in my own family since I’ve begun using premium essential oils.  Among the many benefits, they can make a big difference in dealing with overwhelming emotions, focus and sleep.

Hit Reply (if you are reading this in e-mail) or Contact in the menu above (if you are on the website) with “essential emotions” in your message to learn more about our premium essential oils and related products that you may want to add to your parenting toolbox.  I’ll send you a short video and then follow up to see what you think.

Staying Fragrant

This spring has been a banner year for roses.  My old (neglected) rose bush is blooming.  My neighbor with the green thumb said a bush that hasn’t bloomed in nine years is blooming this year! I remember as a child my grandmother’s double driveway was lined with beautiful roses through the middle and the scent was so lovely!   Pure Rose essential oil is a bit pricey, but no wonder!  It takes 22 pounds of rose petals for a 5-ml bottle of Rose essential oil.  Rose oil is one of the most valuable essential oils you can acquire! (Let me know if you want to order some from my online store.)

Spring time is a great time to focus on being fragrant – – and I’m not just talking flowers & fragrances here.  As we focus on the attractiveness and beauty of the abundant and fragrant rose blooms this time of year, we can draw an analogy to ourselves and how we want to “stay fragrant” in our relationships with others.

Let’s replace smelly, unattractive behaviors (ours and our kids’) with more attractive, fragrant ones!

I designed this poster to help us do just that  – – to help us think about and teach ways to “stay fragrant” this spring and summer.

Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it. ~~Proverbs 22:6

With three key points, it can help us avoid being reactive in negative, even harmful ways and help our kids understand that people can respond in a more careful, intentional way that they purposefully choose, rather than allowing themselves to be controlled by knee-jerk reactions that are not well-thought out and not beneficial.

This colorful poster tells us to “stay fragrant” and to “Be the bigger (inner) person”.

stay fragrant poster YO

  1. Point one is to have Self-respect — with the affirmation: “I respect myself more than to speak or act in that way.  I won’t let you draw me into your misbehavior”  These affirmations may not necessarily need to be said addressed to anyone else and are meant mainly as helpful self-talk.
  2. The second point is Self-control — with the affirmation:  “I may feel upset, but I am not out of control.  I will feel better in a bit.”   Naming feelings out loud, such as in this affirmation, may help identify the feeling and help facilitate self-control, so though it is self-talk, speaking aloud might be useful, here, depending on the situation.
  3. The third is Personal Boundaries, Values & Commitments — with the affirmation:  “I choose for me. You choose for you.”  Allowing that others can have differing opinions and make different choices can help keep the peace and move forward in a number of different types of situations.

Save, print or jot these down as reminders to yourself and to teach and practice with your kids this spring.

And if you’d like a copy of the poster, I’d be happy to have one (or more) printed and mailed to you for $12 each.  Just contact me by email.

Hope this helps you and your family to have a smooth spring & summer!

Yes to God’s Plans

Question:  Are you attempting to live out YOUR PLANS for your life or GOD’S PLANS?  

If your own plans, then why would you expect God to honor them?  . . . Really.

At least are your plans in accordance with his Word?  If not, perhaps some re-evaluation is in order.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
Do not be wise in your own  eyes;
fear the Lord and depart from evil.” — Proverbs 3:5-7
If GOD’S PLANS . . .  how are you doing?

 

Ephesians 5:15 tells us “be very careful, then, how you live — not as unwise but as wise” and the entire theme of the little book of Haggai is repeated again and again in the phrase, “consider your ways”.

 

As parents, we sometimes give our children warnings of what their behavior may lead to if they do not change it.  Obviously, this is not a doom and gloom prophecy of the future, but an attempt to have them consider their ways and the likely outcomes SO THAT they will change their ways before it’s too late to avoid negative outcomes.  

 

Correction.

 

Correction is hard for us to take as humans.  Some of us take it harder than others. It may be that with our adopted children especially, they need some careful building up in order to not be crushed by correction, or hardened by it.  

 

O.Bible.org, in their lesson on the Ministry of Correction from the series on I Timothy,  says that

“as a rule, the most effective correction takes place when the other person knows from experience that you love him.” (See the full lesson here.)  

I think this is true with corrections from people as well as from God, himself!  When we know and feel like we are loved and accepted, correction may sting but we will be less likely to ignore it or rail against it!   

With adopted/foster/stepchildren (and sometimes even biological children) there may be a lingering question in their mind as to whether they are fully loved and accepted, at least at times.  And so correction may feel more like overt rejection to them!

God gives warnings and consequences in order that we will consider our ways – –  not give up thinking we have no hope – – but consider our ways so we can course-correct while there IS HOPE! With my children, I need to help them understand that correction is just that, an invitation and an opportunity to course-correct given out of love. And I need to accept God’s correction with that same understanding.

The book of Ezra gives us a ministry model and an example of how to continue God’s work under pressure.

I’ll share my outline with you, hoping it helps you as much as it is helping me in a variety of areas not the least of which is parenting when it is difficult:

EZRA

I.  God directs the outworking of God’s plan.  

(Whether your ministry is rebuilding the Holy Temple as here, building a ministry for orphans overseas, or your ministry role in your own family.)

  1. God moved the heart of the King.  

    (He can move hearts of those – – whether Christ-followers or not – – who have earthly authority in our lives.)

  2. God moved the hearts of his people.  

    (He is the one who moves hearts, not me – – not you.  We must not think we are the ones who are responsible for another person’s heart or resulting beliefs and behavior.  We are responsible to God. He moves their hearts. I am no-one’s Holy Spirit and I must not become a stumbling block for them.)

  3. God built the team.

     (I don’t have to do the job by myself, nor do I have to stress over the needed help, and neither do you!  God can bring just the right partners at just the right time.)

  4. God provided the resources as the people acted in steps of obedience.

     (We don’t have to have all the necessary resources in our possession to begin.  Steps of obedience show faith in God’s provision on an as needed basis.)

  5. God brought team unity.

     (When there is dis-unity the work is thwarted.  God is the great mediator and can bring conflict resolution when we submit to him.)

  6. God provided housing accommodations, plus time to settle in.

    ( He provides for our basic needs so we can relax and fully depend on him, trusting that there is enough time and enough for our basic needs to be met in order that we are able to move forward in the work in the place where he puts us!)

II. God is FIRST!  He is to be honored in first place above all.

(My family or other ministry or work is not first – – God is!)

  1. Altar built first – – before the other work began.
  2. Regular times of worship were held as well as special celebrations – – Times of worship and refreshment are necessary!
    1. Regular sacrifices were made, despite fears about dangers from surrounding people.
    2. Holy Day Celebrations were held.
    3. Praise Celebration was held at 1st milestone.
    4. Dedication and Celebration at the completion of the work.
III.  Work is done orderly.  

(While people, kids, even I may balk at rules and routines, it is the orderly way that wins the day.)

  1.  Time for planning and preliminary arrangements.
    1. Chain of command was established.
    2. God gave discernment of whom to partner with.
IV.  Opposition to God’s Work – – Expect It!

(I must not be surprised at opposition or let it dictate my course!  Kids will push back! So will others. I must be prepared and focused on my goals – – God’s goals for my work, whether it’s parenting my special needs children or other work.)

  1. Extreme opposition
  2. Lengthy delay
  3. Perseverance
  4. Patience with readiness and Attentiveness to God’s Guidance (not always apparent to outsiders)
  V.  God Turns OPPOSITION into OPPORTUNITY & BLESSING on His People & His Work
  1. Bravery to obey God & resume the work
  2. Tactful honesty to authority & trusting God
  3. God’s Favor
  4. Work completed with God’s Favor & blessing (Yes!  There is a time of completion awaiting and this work will be a done deal.  Another phase of life will open up. The long-range view can help with perspective on days when you feel bogged down.)  

 

RECAP:  

*God directs the outworking of HIS PLANS!  

*Honor God FIRST!  

*God is ORDERLY and his work is to be done orderly.  

*EXPECT OPPOSITION to God’s work.

*Remember, God turns opposition into OPPORTUNITY and BLESSING on his people and his work.  

 

Gods Plans – -> God First – -> Godly Order – -> Opposition – -> Opportunity & Blessing

 

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.”
– – Proverbs 16:3
KEY:  For us to stay in this trajectory we must continue to take steps of faithful obedience all along the way.  What is God asking you to do in faithful obedience today?  

You may not feel prepared, ready, eager, or confident.  You may not have a clear path. There may be obstacles and opposition.  You may feel fear and trembling! You may not understand why God has “allowed” something that seems way out of line to your way of thinking.  

Take the step anyway. — Trust Him. — Then . . . CELEBRATE!  Celebrate when you look back and are able to see more clearly how HIS plan has been set in place and fulfilled.

I hope this peek into my Bible study has been helpful to you.  Parenting is hard. Parenting kids from trauma backgrounds is extremely hard.  We can work hard and feel like we aren’t making any progress. Or worse, going backward.  

I encourage you to #1 make sure your plans are God’s plans, and #2 consider in what ways you may need to course-correct.  Then #3 take a step of obedience  – – Today.


 

Real life is often emotional and kid’s from hard places often have overwhelming emotions.  As a parent, I want to help my children learn to use positive coping skills and give them helpful tools.  We have begun using some fantastic natural products in our family that make a big difference in helping kids cope with overwhelming emotions, to manage and focus.

Hit Reply (e-mail) or Contact me above or below (blog) if you want to learn more about our toxin-free natural-based personal care products and dietary supplements and how they can help your family, too.

 

Child-Like or Childish?

It’s normal for children to be both, child-like as well as childish.  In fact, it’s their nature. It is odd when a child behaves more like a little adult in ways that are highly age-inappropriate.  “Childish” connotes a negative comparison to a young child such as with a teenager who throws a tantrum like might be more expected in a two-year-old.  Yet being child-like in certain ways is a positive thing, even for adults at times. We are taught that to have a child-like faith is a good thing, with the trust and wonder and awe of children directed toward our Savior, Jesus Christ.  

 

Matthew 18:3

“And he said: ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.'”

 

Being around children can often help us adults reclaim the child-like view that is so invigorating.  

Yet children are also inherently childish.  These are more negative traits that we might expect they would “grow out of” as children get older and prior to adulthood.  Yet being taught and trained is part of the work of adults as is being teachable the work of children.  Childishness is (1) expected of children, but not always desirable and (2) to be understood as normal yet not permanent in normal development.  Even in delayed development, we should work to help children put away the negative childishness to the extent that they are able.  

1 Corinthians 13:11

” When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

With once orphans, children from hard places as it were, the teachable part may be severely lacking.  So remaining childish long after one would expect these traits to be gone or at least greatly diminished, some children display behaviors more typical of much younger children for much longer.  Alternatively, they may exhibit attitudes and behaviors more fitting to a much older person. It is sometimes said that their emotional age and chronological age do not match. This can be a helpful way to look at it when trying to interact with, be more understanding and helpful to one of the children with social/emotional delays.  And though you may then take a different approach, similar to how you would with a much younger child, I think it is similarly important to remember the goal of helping them gain the emotional maturity and social appropriateness that they are missing out on. The danger lies in allowing their delays, gaps or disabilities to be an excuse for not progressing to the degree and at the level that they are able.

 

Rather than having an all or nothing approach adults in the child’s life need to be aware of the limitations and make needed adjustments in their approach to discipline and training.  Plus: Re-adjustments may need to be made frequently as well, as you reassess how the child is doing and as new situations and opportunities come up. Though it is a lot of work, this type of thorough planning with all the adults in the child’s circle may help tremendously.  It will not be a magic wand and will sometimes seem insufficient. Dealing with the persistent childishness of children who are much older can wear down an adult parent, teacher or caregiver and instead of enjoying the child-like view alongside them we may get cynical and despondent, going through the motions without much felt connection or even more childish ourselves mirroring their behaviors.

 

Having homeschooled for many, many years we are just getting into the world of IEPs with the school system, but my understanding is that this is the place to bring up these type issues and collaborate on strategies to incorporate into a workable plan for each child in the school setting.  As a homeschooler, I have also prepared personal IEPs for our own private use which addresses emotional and developmental concerns and a plan to incorporate specific strategies for each child. I recommend doing an assessment regularly as well, for school as well as regarding home and other settings as they may differ considerably.  Medical issues may contribute and overlap significantly with any emotional/social/ behavioral issues and your plans may need to be made with input from your medical practitioners.

 

A daily journal (paper or digital) can track patterns and be a good memory jogger for assessment time.  Planning how to respond to repetitive behaviors can help parents and caregivers be prepared and also to learn what strategies work best.  

 

There is a whole lot of advice, some good and some not so good, and some just might not be the right fit or best timing for your and your child’s current needs.  List some to try out and give it a go for a set time then reassess.

 

A few examples to start with:

Concerning behavior: Child often tantrums when they are faced with unexpected changes.

Childish or Child-like: Depending on age and degree of behavior this behavior could be normal developmentally or not.  It may be childish or simply child-like in that young children have a more limited understanding and may not have expected a change (like a change in routine for a holiday) that an older person likely would.  Thinking about the root of the behavior can give more clues, but that may remain a mystery and you are left with guesswork. My suggestion is to assume it is child-like at first and respond with strategies aimed at helping them developmentally to deal with the changes while preventing the tantrum by better preparation and understanding ahead of time.

Trial Strategy:  Does your child need a lot of prep time or a little?  Test how much is enough and how much is too much. Do they need help with breaking down the steps of the transition (“time to clean up and go” becomes “let’s get ready to go in a few minutes.  You can begin by putting these toys on the shelf. Would you like me to help you? I will have your coat ready when you are done putting the toys away. Then we can say goodbye”).

When there are transitions that are unexpected even to the adult, having thought through what your child needs will help think on your feet and give help rather than get caught up in reacting to their tantrum. When changes are unexpected to the adult, let the child know that you wish you could have let them know sooner and assure them they can handle it while calmly helping them as much as possible talking them through each step matter of factly (“That’s a surprise that the restaurant is closed for remodeling but there is another one nearby we can eat at.  You will have a choice of burgers instead of pizza. If I had known I would have told you sooner but that’s life. I know you like pizza but we can all eat burgers today.”)

 

Concerning behavior:  Child demonstrates lack of social appropriateness

Childish or Child-like:  Again, it may be either or both.  Children are not little adults and have a different level of what is appropriate in their eyes.  (Burping contests may be appropriate between a couple of 10-year olds but not for their dad’s business meeting).  

Trial Strategy:  If they are simply not catching on, then more deliberate modeling and being more deliberate to draw their attention to appropriate conduct may be a good strategy.  Using role play and having them actually act out the appropriate behavior can give them practice and confidence. Pick one or two areas such as greetings and introductions to work on and then review every so often as needed.

 

Concerning behavior:  Difficulty connecting the dots, does not connect cause and effect

Childish or Child-like:  It may be child-like even in an older child whose capability to connect cause and effect is developmentally delayed due to trauma or other causes.  It may be due to mistrust or a real lack of understanding.

Trial strategy:  Communicate consequences clearly and closely relate consequences to the reason for it.  (Example – “Good job” becomes “You followed directions and completed your assignment without any errors” and “You should know better” becomes “I am disappointed that you chose to hit instead of getting an adult’s help.  You hit, you sit until I decide you may join us again.”)

 

Letting go of the “should’s” enough to deal with the current state of things doesn’t mean we don’t work to help things get better with and for our children.  But it does help us step back and assess how things really are, get a grip, and set up a workable plan to move forward. Children are children, not little adults, yet constantly helping them in moving toward adulthood while enjoying their childhood and is a good goal to keep in mind.  While managing difficult behaviors can be a huge accomplishment, we need to be careful that we are facilitating our children’s move through developmental stages to mature as well as they can rather than staying stuck.  Just because a delay is there doesn’t mean that one day it won’t just click and be a huge leap of progress in an area you had been working on for some time.  Reviving your positive, child-like qualities can model a positive outlook for your child and help you both.

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Real life is often emotional and kid’s from hard places often have overwhelming emotions.  As a parent I want to help my children learn to use positive coping skills and give them helpful tools.  We have begun using some fantastic natural products in our family that make a big difference in helping kids cope with overwhelming emotions, to manage and focus.

I’d be happy to fill you in if you think you’d be interested in finding out more.  Click on Contact me above and let me know you want to learn more about our toxin-free natural-based personal care products and dietary supplements.